did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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