I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Of course I have a pirate flag
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
