I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
we're chasing vodka with high fives
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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