It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
