I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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