He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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