Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
