I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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