Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
