Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
