I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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