I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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