we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
