sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
