He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
