I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
