There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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