So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
