I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Can you bring me the toilet please
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
