Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
