I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
