I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
