So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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