I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
