Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
