just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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