that's an acceptable place to lick
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
