I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
