new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
