i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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