Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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