Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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