Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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