im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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