I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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