He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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