thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
