we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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