a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
