she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
