Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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