I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
