i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize
