somebody snuck up and got me drunk
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
