how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
