My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize