I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Randomize
