worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize