it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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