Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize