Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
