im having a threesome with these popsicles
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
