I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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