I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
