yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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