She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize