I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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