I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
