At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
