Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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