Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
