Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
