She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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