last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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