stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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