I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
All I want is dick and wine.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
