there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
