I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
