she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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