just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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