Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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