My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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