Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
