is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
