When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
