dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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