on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
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