Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I am available for nakedness
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
