he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
