i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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