I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
