who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize