he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
