Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
