well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
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