Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
