I think im going to throw up on grandma
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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