I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
bring money and cleavage
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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