I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Randomize
