I only kidnapped one of them. chill
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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