I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
