$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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