i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
