We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just had sex on a roof
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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