no, he came in my armpit
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Drunk is not a location!
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
