And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
