haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
