I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
