My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
