Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
